Firstly, there’s breakfast. Secondly, there’s second breakfast. And I don’t mean brunch, since to call it that negates the opportunity for another meal between breakfast and lunch, and that seems a grave shame. No, second breakfast is an entirely separate entity and should be enjoyed anywhere between half an hour to two hours after the first.
At a time when obesity is pretty endemic to the western world, some of you may be wondering whether or not it is wise to invent and promote an extra meal into the timetable of socially accepted feeding times. To those arguments, I simply say this: breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dine like a pauper. That actually seems to be pretty sound advice, except that by the time I get to dinner (or ‘tea’ as us northerners prefer, although I won’t enter into that debate right now since ‘lunch’ is actually ‘dinner’ and the whole thing suddenly becomes very confused), I’m rather ready to eat like a king again. To those who can go to bed on cold sandwiches or a couple of boiled chokos: well done. But I’m not one of them.
When you work the hours that I work in the sort of place that I work, then you understand just how that works. Let me elaborate. I start at 11.30 most mornings and won’t get a ‘lunch break’ until around 3.00. When I finally finish at 8, it’s imperative that someone feed me something substantial and hot, and quickly. In order to actually make it that far, I will need to eat most of the morning so that I have enough in my energy reserves to last until lunch. I’m on my feet all day too which doesn’t help. And yet, on the opposite side of the canteen at break, I hear people berating each other or back-patting for just eating a breakfast biscuit all day or announcing that having been to McDonalds the day before, they were on celery today. Dudes, if you had a second breakfast before work, you probably wouldn’t crave the Maccy D’s. By break time you’d be too hungry to even leave the building and you’d be straight into the lunchbox of pasta you prepared, before you could even say ‘I’d like the processed meat cardboard mulch in the burger shapes that they serve in the sweet plasticised baps’.
The next perfect reason to second breakfast is sporting preparation. When you spend at least a good hour on your days off running around, carb-loading is the order of the day (every day). Finding enough time to eat all the calories I need has actually driven me to invent extra meals, second breakfast being the one that I enjoy the most and eat without fail. It’s the one I think we could all benefit from.
Just in case you remain un-persuaded, here are some other reasons to take a second breakfast: in sympathy for someone who you know won’t have had a first breakfast; in celebration of your unbirthday, your birthday, or simply the fact that you are lucky enough to have food in your fridge and the time to eat it; you actually ate like a pauper the night before; you went to the supermarket just before closing last night and as a result have a lot of eggs that need eating before the use-by date.
I would invite you all to second breakfast with me today but I’ve already breakfasted twice and will be too late for brunch if I don’t pursue it post-haste. Bon appetite!